“They say Hunter made more than $1.6 million in A.T.M. withdrawals. He spent around $683,000 on payments to various women; over $237,000 on health, beauty and pharmacy, which, you thought you had a long receipt at CVS.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“One hundred and eighty-eight thousand on adult entertainment, and a little over $71,000 on rehab and re-rehab and re-rehab for a grand total of almost $5 million, which is, I mean, that’s like an early 2000s Charlie Sheen-caliber performance. It’s impressive.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“No presidential family member in recent memory comes with as much baggies — uh, I mean, baggage — as Hunter, and now the law has finally caught up with him. ” — KAL PENN, guest host of “The Daily Show”
“It’s shocking to think the presidential race might come down to who goes to jail first: Hunter Biden or Donald Trump. Although, maybe if we’re lucky, the two of them might end up in a cell together? Like, you throw George Santos in there, and I am watching that show.” — KAL PENN
“The White House has reiterated, which, they reiterated that President Biden will not pardon Hunter if he is convicted of any crime, although they didn’t say anything about not dressing him up as a turkey next Thanksgiving and pardoning him then.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
