[gentle tone]
10 grand? Yeah.
I mean, it could be less if I did a Kickstarter
or an Indiegogo.
An Indie what what? It’s this website
where filmmakers get funding. Okay.
And, you know, I feel weird like if I put it on GoFundMe
because that’s for people who actually need help.
Huh.
I’d like to self-fund it.
Well, we’re putting up the 10 grand.
We’re not exactly self-funding it, honey.
Well, how did you and Uncle Eddie get your start?
Grandpa gave us a loan.
Okay? Yeah, but…
Okay, that was a business.
Well, think of my career as a business.
Okay, fine, 10 grand.
So what do we get back, five, six?
Well, we don’t make anything back.
Nothing?
Yeah, this is just the proof of concept.
For what?
The script for the movie.
But isn’t the script already the proof of concept
for the movie?
No, the short is the proof of concept for the feature.
Okay, how do you come by the number 10 grand anyway?
Well, between rentals and crew-
You’ll need a gaffer.
Yeah, and I’d really like to try to get one famous actor.
And even if I’m following the SAG micro-budget minimums,
I mean, it still really adds up.
You know who I like?
Dianne Wiest. I don’t know who that is.
This is how the industry works.
It’s enigmatic, rigid, coated.
Would Lenny like this? Well, no, he’s turning four.
That’s a six and up.
Seems counterintuitive.
Why don’t you just put the 10 grand towards the feature?
Do you have foreplay before sex, Robert?
Yes. Ew.
Well, a short film is the foreplay you do
before performing coitus in the film world.
I get that.
Okay, really, I hate that analogy, Uncle Ed,
but it’s not wrong.
Dad, try to think about this whole short film thing
as a calling card.
It’s an opportunity for me to get my name
out there on the festival circuit.
You know, South By, Tribeca, TIFF, Sundance.
Would he like this?
Sure. Definitely.
He loves garbage.
[Robert] Okay, you gonna get to festivals.
Then what? Well, it gets
into a festival if we’re lucky.
Robert, they’re highly competitive.
How competitive?
I don’t know.
I mean, they’re pretty competitive.
This last year, Sundance received 10,374
short film submissions.
They only accepted 59 to play at the festival.
59.
It’s like half a percentage point.
That’s ridiculous.
You should see the Tribeca numbers.
Chloe, I love you, and I believe in you
and your talents as a filmmaker,
but, I mean, honey- Wait, wait, wait.
My chance of being one of those 59 could go way up
if I were to have a high production value.
That’s true.
Like imagine if I wanted to shoot
here in Barney Greengrass.
I’d have to get insurance, permits.
I’d have to like convince Gary.
We’d have to lock down this whole space.
All these people in here, I gotta replace ’em with extras.
Chloe, I don’t know.
Anyway, my manager said a proof of concept
was the smartest thing to do before a feature, so…
So have him give you the 10 grand.
What? It doesn’t work like that,
Robert, you and I have to put up the 10 grand.
It’s just her manager’s job to set up general meetings
with production companies and streamers.
Why do you know all of this?
Because I follow Michael Bay on Twitter
and Ian Peck on Instagram.
Guys, I gotta be honest.
Either nothing you’re saying is making any sense,
or I’m having a stroke.
Okay, one last thing.
By funding it, you both would technically be EPs.
So in the credits, it’ll say executive produced
by Robert and Eddie Cohen.
So we get backend points.
Eh, no backend points, but definitely IMDB credits.
That’s a good thing,
our names all over the International Movie Database.
The what? It’s cool.
You could like talk about it on dates.
Thanks.
[Robert] So what’s it about?
Yeah, what’s this concept you’re proving?
Well, it’s a short film that’s all about
how fucked up and convoluted the indie film world is
for emerging voices.
So it’s kind of like a neo gritty noir?
No, not really.
I mean, mine’s gonna be light on its feet.
It’s gonna be conversational.
I wanna shoot it in the city.
It’s really important to me, though,
that it has a very strong POV, you know?
Mhm. Because like even
at the highest level,
short films are this totally obscure thing.
Like, do either of you guys even know
who won the Oscar last year for Best Short?
Nobody does.
They don’t even televise that category anymore.
Okay, see, there’s my whole point.
It’s like there’s so many precious,
little short films out there.
I mean, how am I gonna break out
as just another gifted visionary,
shooting on a random beach at golden hour
just trying to make some breathtaking piece of garbage
that has like stunning cinematography and zero narrative,
but somehow cost 80k because I just had to shoot it on film
with like brooding and credits
that are longer than the film itself?
[gentle music]
Fuck that, I don’t even wanna be an artist.
I wanna be a disruptor.
Okay.
All right, I’m running this through my head.
I’m trying to understand.
You wanna make a short film
that insults and derives the very idea of short films?
Literally exactly.
Then what is the feature film about?
It’s all about how tough it is
to adapt a short into a feature.
I don’t know, I mean, you guys,
nobody’s even talking about this stuff.
Well, I think there’s a good reason for that.
You know why?
It’s because the truth terrifies people, okay?
Chloe, your uncle and I, we’re commercial plumbers.
Okay, I don’t even want to get involved
with something like this.
Yeah, strategically speaking,
but also creatively speaking, you know, me neither.
It’s an interesting concept though.
[exhales] Okay, but like what if we could do it for seven?
[gentle quirky music]
[gentle quirky music continues]
